The Adventures of Gil and Yurtle
by l33tmansayswoot
Summary: Two mismatched caravanners, (Gil the male Wolfie selkie and Yurtle the male natural clavat), go on some crazy and stupid adventures. Please R&R. Flames accepted.
1. The zipper

Disclaimer- I don't own FFCC

Author's note-In periods of great stress, when they're drunk, or really whenever the hell I feel like it my characters will start speaking basic l33t.

Author's note- If you flame me, please let it be known that i dont care

"Dude, I gotta go to the bathroom." whined Gil. "Well, I'm not stopping. We have to get to Marr's Pass before dark." stated Yurtle.

"But Dude…"

"Come on, just go off the back!"

"Fine." Gil grumbled. He clambered to the back and stood up. "Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" he sighed.Yurtle peered down the road, "Woah, dude, better wrap it up, the caravan from Lueda is coming."

"The one with the two hot selkies?"

"Yup."

"$#17." there was a brief struggling noise and then,

Ziiiip. "Holy S#11111111177!" just then, the caravan pulled up,

"Hey Yurtle!" the selkies teased, "How ya doin'? Where's Gil?"

"I'm fine, but Gil isn't really in the mood for talking right now."

"Ok. See ya!" the selkies drove away, waving flirtingly. A low moan came from the back when they were gone,

"…I'm bleeding…"

With more idiot adventures to come!


	2. Moogles falling

Disclaimer- I no own FFCC

Author's note- I know yurtle is a stupid name. Blame my friend for using it.

It was after the end of the year celebration. Gil and Yurtle were successful in their mission for the year. Now, the two caravanners were wandering back to their homes, drunk as a pair of Irishmen on St. Patrick's Day.

They stumbled on when Gil stopped his friend at a house along the way.

"Dude, dude, hold up a shec. You have to shee thish." Gil slurred. His friend stopped and gazed at the house, trying to focus his eyes.

"Whashat? All I shee ish a moogle." Yurtle said.

"Wait for it, wait for it…"

They waited. About a second later the moogle fell over backwards. (Anybody who hasn't noticed the moogles falling over, I laugh at your ignorance)

The two companions fell over laughing, fists pounding the ground, bawling at that insignificant spectacle as only drunk people can. (It works when you're hyper to)

"Dude, thatsh freakin' aweshome." A teary eyed Yurtle said.

"Hold it, hold it, he does it again."

They waited. The moogle fell over again. Gil and Yurtle were on the floor again laughing harder then last time. The same happened the next time the moogle fell over. And the next time. And the next, and the next, and the next…

_10 hours later_

The parents of the two caravanners came out the next day to collect their comatose bodies. After exchanging pleasantries with each other, they departed to their separate homes, (This happened every year), dragging their sons behind them. _But…_

**The moogle was still falling over!**

I might try some serious stuff next chapter. I will also insert the top ranked FFCC player in the entire world, whom my friend and I know personally.


	3. The striped bandits

Disclaimer- I don't own FFCC

Author's note- If you read and don't review I WILL KNOW (ominously)

Gil and Yurtle were going down the road, laughing, dancing, trying to sing but accidentally scaring away half the monsters in the area. All of sudden, they came upon a blocked part of the road. Another caravan blocked it. A striped moogle waddled over. (How many people know who this is?)

The moogle squeaked, "Halt, kupo! You are in the presence of the striped bandits, kupo!"

He said this as though they were expected to bow, or something. They looked at each other, shrugged, then looked back at the moogle.

Kind of surprised that they weren't already cowering in fear, the moogle said nervously, "Hand over your err, money, kupo, and err, nobody will get err, hurt."

Not really paying attention, Gil was wondering why the moogle hadn't fallen over yet. Yurtle meanwhile, was looking around and spotted two people sneaking into the back of the caravan. Nudging Gil, he pointed backwards. Understanding immediately, he got up quietly and went to the back.

"So, you just want us to stand up, hand over all our money, and walk away?" Yurtle said loudly, to disguise the whacking noises in the background.

"You forgot the cowering in fear part, kupo!" the moogle was relieved that things were finally going as planned.

"Hmmm, I don't really think I want to. How 'bout you, Gil?" Yurlte asked. "Nope, I like my money. Actually, I think we should start asking for theirs." Gil stated as he came from around back, holding the two remaining bandits up in one hand. Out cold, a gigantic bump rising on each of their heads, he threw them over to the moogle. "Nah, we're not that mean. Let's just whack 'em around a bit more."

The moogle cowered in fear, "No, no, please don't hurt us! We're just three poor travelers with not a crust between us, kupo!" rolling his eyes, Yurtle tossed them 100 gil.

"There. Now don't rob anybody else."

"Oh, thank you, kupo! I won't forget this!" rolling his eyes so far they nearly came out of their sockets, Yurtle rod off, with Gil following.

After they had gone, Artemicion the moogle (I think that's right) looked around carefully. After making sure his two companions were out cold, and that no one was coming up the road, he gave a sigh of relief and (wait for it, wait for it,) fell over.

"HA!" Gil yelled.

"Darn, kupo!"

I didn't insert the best player simply because she said she didn't want ot be. So all you who don't know her, keep wondering!


	4. The black knight

Disclaimer- I don't own FFCC

Author's note- we thought that this part of the game was weird, so I just made it weirder.

Author's note- If you think I'm tired of the moogle joke, think again.

Gil and Yurtle were riding along towards Alfitaria when they came across the Black Knight mauling a small tree. Once he was sane, they asked him to play cards. Having some time before he went insane again, he agreed. And that is where we find them now.

"I've got three aces" Gil said proudly. "Oh yeah, well I've got a flush!" Yurtle said. Groaning, Gil turned to the lilty. "What do you have?"

"Read 'em and weep. Royal flush." The Black Knight said. "Aw, come on, man. You've beaten us ten times in a row." Yurtle whined. "Just shut up and deal." Said the Black Knight.

They dealt out a new hand. Glancing around at each other, they traded in their cards and placed bets. "I bet 1000 gil." Yurtle said. "I'll call that and raise another 1000." Gil said. They looked expectedly at the knight. He smirked and said, "I'll raise you 1 million gil."

They gasped. Well, the bets were in, and they couldn't do anything about it. "Two pair." Gil said. "Three of a kind." Yurtle countered. The knight smirked again and put his cards down. He opened his mouth to say something when a small lilty appeared from out of nowhere, shouted, "For my father!" and stabbed the knight, killing him instantly. Then he vanished.

There was silence. Finally Gil cleared his throat and whispered, "What did he have?" Yurtle looked at the deceased's hand. "Full house."

"Wow, he would have beaten me."

"Me too."

There was more silence. Then, gathering up the scattered cards, they took the gil (including the black knight's million) and loaded it into the caravan before heading out.

Later… 

A lone moogle walking down the road tripped over the dead lilty's spear and fell over.


	5. The dragon zombie

Disclaimer-I don't own FFCC 

Author's note-A huge thanks to Yoshikuni Michiyo for being the only one to review this fic. In gratitude, you get this handsome footnote mention.

Gil and Yurtle walked towards the end of Conall Curach. "Whew, man, I'm glad we finally got that material needed for that new weapon." Gil said. "Yeah, it was a pain finding it, too. Now all we have to do is defeat the boss and get the myrrh and we'll be good." They walked on in silence. All of a sudden, a huge dragon zombie appeared with a roar, terrifying a nearby moogle so much that he fell over.

"Wow. That is one big boss." Gil said. "Yep, but he should be easy. I mean, after all, this is the first cycle." Yurtle responded. "Huh? What's a first cycle?" Gil asked. "I don't know." Said Yurtle.

They readied themselves for the fight. Then, a thought occurred to Gil. "Hey this dragon's a ghost, right?" Gil asked. "Yeah, why?" Yurtle responded. "Do you have life magicite for holy?" Gil asked again.

Yurtle paused. Then, "Oh, sh-" the dragon attacked at this moment.

Through diligent curing and a lot of luck, they had whittled down half the boss' health, and it looked like they would win.

"Oh, yeah. We can win, we can win! C'mon, Mr. Zombie, get outta my house, GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!"

Pause. "Ahhh! My burrito!" (This was not actually said by either character. It was in fact said by my friend who was playing as Yurtle and eating a burrito at the same time. He yelled that when he dropped it, and even though it wasn't said in the game, it was so anticlimactic that I had to insert it)

And afterwards, they continued to whoop up on dragon zombie until they won.


	6. The end

Disclaimer- I don't own FFCC

Author's note- Thanks to all who reviewed, and yes, you can use the moogle joke. However, even though this is random stories, I am actually ending this story. Sorry!

"Freakin' parasite." Gil grumbled. They were finally facing off against the meteor parasite, and man he was hard!

A pink circle appeared where Yurtle was standing. "Oh, sh-" BOOOOMMM! He was thrown backwards by the ensuing explosion.

"All right, this sucks. We've been whacking away at this thing for half an hour and he still isn't dead!" Gil yelled.

"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT!" Yurtle yelled. And with that, he ran up to the monstrosity and kicked it as hard as he could. All of a sudden, the meteor parasite was crying out in agony, whimpering like a baby. Gil walked over to Yurtle, "Dude. I didn't know that the parasite was male." (Guess what happened). "I know, neither did I."

They looked at each other and shrugged. They then walked over to kill it once and for all when they vanished in a flash of light.

The Nest of Memories 

Gil and Yurtle reappeared, looking very confused.

"Where are we?" Gil asked. "_You are in the nest of memories. I am Mio, queen of reflection._"

"Oh. Where are we again?" _"Sigh. Come travelers. You shouldn't be here, unless… You're memories. I sense them… they are strong. You might be the ones to defeat Raem. I shall ask you a question to test you."_

"OK shoot."

"Hmmm…which caravan gave you a weapon?" 

"Marr's Pass."

"_Good. You are worthy."_

Gil whispered to Yurtle, "I thought it would be harder but oh well."

"_Now, step through the door to challenge Raem."_

A door appeared. It looked a lot like an outhouse door.

"Hey." Yurtle said. "That looks a lot like an outhouse door."

"… _I blame the decorators."_

They shrugged again. Gil walked over to the door and opened it.

A tonberry with a newspaper was sitting on the toilet with his pants pulled down. It looked up and saw them. "Hey! Do you mind?" and it slammed the door shut again.

Silence.

"Hey, it was an outhouse!"

"… _I'm going to kill those decorators."_

The End 

Epilouge…

In a land far far away, a moogle fell over.

_The End. Really._


End file.
